Senator Truck Nuts is back at it!
On Friday night, while most Oklahomans were enjoying a cold beer cruising a dirt road in a pickup truck, Senator Markwayne Mullin was bitterly wandering the halls of the U.S. Capitol.
Apparently called into work late and forced to miss Twin Peaks happy hour with his Bad Boy Mowers buddies, he pulled out his phone and — like a grumpy teenager stuck at a museum with his parents — started filming moody videos for his conservative followers, right-wing bots, and all the journalists forced to document the dumb things he says and does.
In one of the videos, Mullin took viewers on a Capitol stairwell ghost tour, sharing the tale of an 1890 murder where a newspaper reporter shot a former congressman in the face.
It has all the vibes of a Drunk History reenactment — if the story was told by a testosterone-fueled senator hopped up on Brawndo.
Mullin, apparently forgetting that it was the reporter who came out on top, closed his little history lesson by casually “joking” that maybe journalists “would write a lot less false stories… if we could still handle our differences that way.”
Here’s the video if you haven’t seen it:
Yep, that’s right.
If only we could go back to the good old days when — checked notes — a reporter could get away with documenting how a politician salaciously abused the powers of office, leading to the politician stepping down, becoming a lobbyist, and then bullying the journalist in retaliation… only to get shot and killed for it, while the journalist walked free.
Sounds like a great idea, huh?!
The Oklahoman, however, had a slightly different take.
Instead of thanking Markwayne for telling a feel-good journalism story and laying the groundwork for armed reporters to roam the halls of government and settle scores like it’s 1890, they seemingly interpreted Mullin’s low-IQ historical cosplay as a dangerous threat to the free press.
Here’s a snippet from a long, pearl-clutching explainer filled with quotes from journalism watchdog groups and scary stats about violence against the press:
Via The Oklahoman:
Sen. Mullin suggests 'fake news' would decline if violence could 'still' settle disputes
Journalists would write fewer “fake news” stories if disputes over coverage could be handled through violence, U.S. Sen. Markwayne Mullin suggested on social media.
In a video posted over the weekend to his official X account, the Oklahoma Republican describes the 1890 killing of a former congressman, who was shot by a reporter in the U.S. Capitol.
Mullin briefly pauses after finishing the story, then begins talking about journalists today.
“Now, there’s a lot we could say about reporters and the stories they write, but I bet they would write a lot less false stories — as President Trump says, ‘fake news’ — if we could still handle our differences that way,” Mullin says...
After Mullin makes his statement about reporters, the person recording him zooms in to show the blood-stained stairs, and then the video ends.
Yikes. If you see Steve Lackmeyer and BAM! wearing military fatigues and guarding The Oklahoman’s front gates, I guess that explains why!
In all honesty, I can see why The Oklahoman could interpret Marcuswayne’s comments as a threat to journalism, but I don’t think they have much to worry about.
First of all, the only thing Marcuswayne knows about newspapers is that — just like paper towels — you shouldn't flush them down the toilet.
Second, if anyone should be concerned, it’s me!
I’ve been dabbling in illegitimate fake news journalism for nearly 18 years now, and ever since Marcuswayne arrived on the scene like a clogged pipe in 2012, I've spent a good chunk of it lampooning, criticizing, and making fun of his moronic ass.
I've done this because it's fun, and because Marcuswayne is a dishonest, macho, height-challenged, hypocritical attention-hound who shat on the house floor on January 6th, and serves as the Oklahoma embodiment of our country’s descent into full-blown conservative idiocracy.
Since that's the case, I guess it was nice knowing everyone and writing for all these years!
I probably should’ve known better than to keep writing about a guy who — like his conservative friends in McCurtain County — has the tools, manpower, and equipment to dig a few large holes for journalists, but just like a Trump voter experiencing tariff shock, I guess I'm a slow learner.
Actually, I'm just joking around.
Mullin actually sold his plumbing company for millions and now apparently lives in a mansion in Florida, so he doesn't have the pipe-laying and extraction equipment on hand to easily bury journalists. He'll have to dump them in the Gulf of America or Everglades instead.
Anyway, we’ll keep monitoring Marcuswayne’s feed to see what other stories about badass vigilante journalists with guns who stood up to political bullies he can spin into vague death threats toward the media.
In the meantime, stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
