Last week, I was officially married for the second time. I still can’t believe a great girl like that decided to share the rest of her life with a three-time stroke victim with massive speech impediments, permanently paralyzed limbs, and a declining bank balance.
Go me, I guess.
Either way, I want to thank all the willing participants, special guests, and celebrity officiants who celebrated with us. <insert ad>
After our official dinner and unofficial after-party, my wife and I marked the evening in our matrimonial marriage bed at the Bradford House—a Michelin Key-designated boutique hotel located in a restored apartment house just off Classen.
For this stay, we didn’t really have the time or interest to focus on food, but after a glimpse at their tasty and sweet offerings, I knew we had to come back. If the food is as good as the beds are durable and comfy, it had to be great.
So, last week, we returned to the scene of our marital crime to see what we missed:
Checking out the lunch menu, it seemed like just as many people were there for the food as the lodging, with plenty of guests filling the rustic dining room. We walked in and suddenly found ourselves on the set of the old TV show Newhart—if it had a distinctly Okie flavor.
Well, at least I thought so.
Past the bar and into the dining room, we ordered at the front counter. With food selections made and a numbered placard in hand, I waited for my lavish pastry and caffeinated beverages, shooting smoldering eyes toward my bride as she swooned deliciously near me... or was it at my sweet treat?
We started with a “Gluten-Free and Vegan-Friendly” Blueberry Scone ($4.50) and a Hot Chocolate ($4.00), both provided by the Quincy Bake Shop—Bradford House’s in-house confectionary and retail arm.
Of course, the sweets were truly excellent confections, with the scone providing the berry-infused taste I desperately craved. But it was the hot chocolate that made everything better, with a rich, chocolatey taste that gave me a real “oomph” to my day.
After a few minutes, as I sipped on the warm chocolate and nibbled on our scone, our orders promptly arrived.
For my bride, she had the new-wave Classic Club Sandwich ($14.00), a very lunch-forward, totally filling sandwich. It was served on country white bread with marinated grilled chicken breast, lettuce, tomato, and garlic aioli, as well as candied bacon for a true treat.
Cut into four triangles for maximum sandwich capability, it was a welcome return to form for the classic Club Sandwich. The premium grilled chicken breast and phenomenal candied bacon, paired with a puckish garlic aioli, made it more than just a sandwich—it was a total meal.
My lunch, on the other hand, was a new twist on an unnamable Big Mac-like clone: the handheld Bradford House Burger ($15.00). Even with some big mainstream shoes to fill, it delivered remarkably well, featuring two house-ground custom-blend beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a bun.
Forget the clown’s trademarked sandwich—Bradford’s House Burger is bigger, tastier, and better! It had all the hallmarks of a classic processed burger, but was made with the freshest ingredients—from the house-ground beef to the familiar-yet-fancier special sauce. Easily one of the best burgers in the city.
In other words: you gotta try this extra value menu.
After our lovely meal, we ran a few errands and eventually returned home to enjoy some quality newlywed time together—just like they do in the movies. After a few hours minutes, I took a much-needed water break when the phone started ringing…
Apparently, it was about my disability benefits from my three strokes being taken away by Trump and his fiscal assassins. There I stood, listening to the message, as all the vim, verve, and vitality was drained from my body and soul.
Cómpralo ya for the fabulous meal, but “fuck you” to the depressed state of our country!
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Follow Louis Fowler on Instagram at @louisfowler78.
